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Sperm Offering

In a bizarre twist of timing, this evening we were offered the remaining vials of sperm of our current donor from the donor sibling family we have become very connected with over the past two years.  It’s kind of ironic timing, because just yesterday we did the IVF retrieval and fertilization, and we chose to do IVF in part because of some anxiety about the limited supply of vials we had (have) in our possession.

This particular offer has come up informally in the past.  We received the first email from the donor sibling family when our twin girls were six weeks old.  In one of the early email exchanges, the topic of having more kids in the future came up.  I have a distinct and vivid memory of reading the email, laughing out loud, saying to Molly, “Are we going to have more?!  F*** no!”, and then trying to come up with a way of writing that, sans profanity.  (We did agree to revisit the question when the girls were one year old, by which time feelings had changed.)  I also remember often stopping in the midst of (somewhat-organized) chaos that was our daily sleep-deprived lives during the first few months and saying, “Can you imagine having a toddler, too, right now?!  We’re barely making it, I have no idea what we’d do!”  The point is that when this sperm offering initially came up in passing a few months ago, the donor sibling family had infant twins of their own, plus a toddler.  Not that I doubt their intentions or desire to give us their remaining vials, then or now, but I remember being in no shape to make those kind of decisions rationally when we had two newborns (without a toddler!) so accepting the offer a few months ago didn’t feel right to me personally, as if I might be taking advantage of them if they turned out to be anything like me in retrospect.

So now that it has been a couple more months, and they again broached the sperm offering topic, it’s time for us to make a decision.  I did a little bit of research to see if there are any legal issues around giving purchased donor sperm to someone else, and there don’t seem to be any that I could find.  Right after we completed the one failed gonadotropins-IUI cycle (of this second trying to conceive process), right before we moved, I had a lot of hesitancy around jumping right to IVF because it is more invasive (and expensive) than a gonaotropins-IUI cycle.  I felt very strongly about trying to continue trying with gonadotropins-IUI, though recognized that the number of vials we had left (3 at the time) may be a limitation.

But now, especially having gone through the IVF consultation, and now that we’re in the thick of it, we’ve realized that ultimately, even if we weren’t in the middle of an IVF cycle right now, we probably wouldn’t need the extra vials of sperm and would be pursing IVF anyway because of the strong desire to (do all we can do to) prevent multiples again.

So while we are so appreciative of the offer from our donor sibling family, I think at this point, almost solely because of the multiples issue, we’re just not going to use the extra vials.  Especially after going through the egg retrieval yesterday…that was so difficult to watch Molly go through that, I’m not sure we’d do it again.  Maybe we’ll feel differently if not enough embryos survive to Day 5, but either way, we’re really looking to have a singleton this time around.  Who knows, maybe we won’t even use up the remaining two vials in our possession…

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