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Try #1 – Pregnancy Test (HPT)

The home pregnancy test Molly took this morning was negative.  So disappointing.   She hasn’t had any of the “early pregnancy” symptoms at all, so I think both of us were expecting it to be negative anyway.  As I posted recently, the hardest part about it for me is just trying to understand why it didn’t work, because our only frame of reference for this type of cycle is one of success.  We still have an appointment in two days to do a blood hCG pregnancy test, because it is still within the realm of possibilities that Molly really is pregnant but we tested too early.  It’s a pretty slim chance, but it’s something.  But I don’t think either of us are holding out hope and are mostly progressing under the assumption that it will also be negative.

We already had a date night scheduled for tonight, so it was nice to go out and just take some time for the two of us, especially on a day like today.  There was a full workday between this morning’s negative home pregnancy test and our date night, which I think was actually for the better because it allowed both of us a little bit of space to process it on our own first.  Tonight we talked a lot about our options moving forward, which are various and complicated.

The crux of it comes down to two factors:  1. We will be moving in late May/early June, and 2. We have only three vials of our Donor #2 left.  The nurse at the fertility center said they usually recommend waiting one “off” cycle before starting another one with fertility medications, because often there are residual cysts may that interfere with the next cycle (side note: This doesn’t make a ton of sense to me, and I’m wondering if maybe the nurse assumed we had done IVF, for which it would make more sense to me to wait an “off” cycle, but what do I know?).  However, we can opt for a baseline ultrasound and bloodwork (at an extra cost to us) at the start of the next cycle to see if things look OK for us to go right into another cycle right away.  If we went ahead an continued on the next cycle (assuming everything looks OK), we definitely would have enough time left at our current home to complete that cycle before our move.  However, if we choose to wait the normally-recommended “off-cycle” before starting to try again, we should still have enough time to complete that cycle before our move, but if the off-cycle is freakishly long (de ja x2 right before we started trying years ago:  1, 2), then we definitely would run out of time before we moved and therefore wouldn’t get to starting trying again until late summer after we are settled in our new location.  Despite the recent cycle failure, which is most likely due solely to chance, I feel very positive about using injectable gonadotropins again, and I especially like our fertility center; I think there is something to say for having worked with them through two cycles already.  They have experience with and have documented Molly’s peritubal cyst that has caused complicated decision-making in the past, they are very mindful of our desires to prevent multiples while balancing the chances of becoming pregnant overall, and no one has so much as even batted an eye when I’ve come out as a man of transsexual experience.  We may not be as lucky where ever we end up moving to so as of right now, I feel strongly about wanting to do at least one more cycle with our current fertility center.  By waiting the recommended one off-cycle, we will simply be hoping for a normal-length off-cycle and that the one after that starts within a timeframe that will allow us to complete the cycle before we move.

The second complicating factor is that by completing one more gonadotropins/IUI cycle here, before we move, that means we will most definitely use two more of our three remaining vials of our Donor #2.  Meaning, if the next gonadotropin injectables cycle does not result in pregnancy, we will move to our new location, find a new fertility center, and then have only one vial left when we start with them.  The obvious choice in that case is that we move right to IVF, and we’d have to just hope that we would get enough viable embryos from one stimulation/one vial to try a few IVF cycles.  I know it is preferred to have at least two vials when approaching IVF so even this plan still makes me nervous.  But the only other alternative is to skip directly to IVF now, and due to our moving timeline, that would still mean waiting until late summer, after our move, and after re-starting with a new fertility center anyway.

Also, I don’t think it makes a ton of sense to just wait until after we move to do anything, and then do one gonadotropins/IUI cycle with a new fertility center (using two vials, assuming they also do two inseminations/cycle), then still end up with only one vial for potential IVF with them.  So it seems our choices are to either do one more gonadotropins/IUI cycle here before we move, then if that is negative, re-start at our new location and hope that we can get enough embryos with one IVF cycle/one vial to do multiple IVF tries OR stop now, wait until after we move, and approach the new fertility center with three vials and probably just start with IVF.  Right now, I’m so resistant to the latter; on top of just not wanting to wait to keep trying, I don’t want to jump to IVF  because not only is it more expensive, it is also more invasive.  It’s especially hard because I feel like if we just had enough to do three, four max, gonadotropin/IUI cycles, I really think it would work.  But that just may not be in the cards – and that’s OK – so we need to think about our next best option.

Anyway, if we choose to wait the off-cycle and then that off-cycle is freakishly long, we may run out of time to do another cycle before we move anyway…and then it will be decided for us.  It’s looking like that is the way we’re leaning, at least at this moment in time.  Hopefully we’ll get more information about our choices after the results of the blood pregnancy test in two days.

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