It’s November 12th, and today we’re celebrating making it to 12 weeks in the pregnancy! It’s such a big milestone that everyone talks about so we’re super excited that it’s finally here!
I’ve told a few people here and there about the pregnancy, mostly because sometimes I just can’t keep it to myself! But I’ve been looking forward to this day for weeks now, hoping that we would finally be able to announce it “publicly” (ie. on Facebook). But, we’re still going to wait at least until our Nuchal Translucency Test ultrasound on the 18th, or maybe until after the official next prenatal appointment on the 23rd. I think we just want to make sure that everything is still going well before we announce. Our last ultrasound was at 9.5 weeks, and certainly it is possible that things have changed since then. A few weeks ago, we watched In the Womb: Multiples, and they mentioned Vanishing Twin Syndrome so now, of course, a part of me is worried that something like that has happened and we don’t know it. Another good reason to wait until our next ultrasound, to guarantee that things are all well after the milestone 12-week mark, before announcing.
As far as my anxiety, I think I’m doing a lot better. The time time I meet with the counselor at my school, I think we’re going to terminate actually. Unless something else comes up between now and then. She said I could always contact her and start seeing her again if I need to in the future. I’ve been consciously trying to shift my entire framework from being cautious hopeful (which I took to the extreme of being barely hopefully cautious and sometimes downright negative) to excited and imaging the things I am looking forward to. In replacing the negative images with fun fantasies, it requires that I take great risks. But I examined my resiliency, and I realized that throughout my transition from female-to-male, I’ve been consistently challenged in my ability to bounce back from disappointment, especially around my lower surgical results – yet I was always able to keep going, keep pursuing what I felt was right. So now I apply that to the pregnancy, and I’m much more confident in my overall resiliency now; I know that if something bad does happen to the pregnancy, even Vanishing Twin Syndrome, I’ll make it through. We’ll make it through.