Molly is 9 weeks and 1 day pregnant with twins, and the first official maternity clothing item has been purchased: a Tummy Tube from A Pea in the Pod.
OK, so maybe it wasn’t technically the first item, because we did go a couple of weeks ago to get two sleep bras for nighttime support. But somehow the purchase of a Tummy Tube makes all of this feel a little more real.
Since my last rant about my out-of-control anxieties, I’ve been doing much better, mostly regarding my fears of something going wrong with the pregnancy and being worried that I won’t be prepared for such an extreme disappointment. Every time I feel those anxieties or fears, I try to think of something positive – something I’m looking forward to – such as two baby backpacks on a walk trough the woods, a double-seated stroller, two car seats in the back of my car, images of spilled chocolate milk running down the car’s leather interior. Well, maybe not that last one. But keeping these images forward in my mind has definitely helped me loosen up a bit and not worry so much about the possibility of something going wrong.
I realized that this is a pivotal step for me. And probably is something I’ll need to work on for the rest of my life. If I’m this anxious now about just the mere possibility (less than 5% per our doctor) of miscarriage, it’s only going to get worse. After the magical three-month point comes and goes, then I’ll be anxious about results of the first prenatal screening. Then impending birth. Then solid food – what if they choke? Then they’ll go off to kindergarten – what if they break their arm on the monkeybars? Then before you know it, driving. I decided I can’t live my life worrying about these things unnecessarily. I need to be confident in my ability to handle disappointment, loss, and other challenges that certainly will present themselves as time goes on.
Overall, this shift of framework has made me less irritable, I believe. And that’s certainly important to maintain the health of Molly’s and my relationship, which in turn helps maintain the health of our babies. Though I admit that it still freaks me out a little to use “babies” instead of “baby”…